I said I’d do it every week but I forgot. So I’ll start again. Nice.
Merk talking about the act of giving birth to a brown trout
Like ripping open a bag of coal over a well
Naomi’s nan talking about Jamaica (her birthplace)
You don’t want to go there [Fullersfield], It’s full of n*****s that will kill you
As it would seem to suggest on the tin, Tesco Express should provide the shopper with a quick, easy and painless experience.
If I want a paper, or a few tins for the football, I would like to be in and out as quick as possible.
If I want to do a big shop and buy lots of things, I’ll go to a proper supermarket.
If you frequent a Tesco Express, you will know that when you want to be in and out as quick as possible, there is always some woman who has decided to do her entire yearly shopping at that time and is stuck in front of you in the queue, waiting to be served by only 1 cashier and doesn’t even offer to let you go first even though you only want to buy a newspaper.
I hereby propose that there should be a 5 item limit in Tesco Express (unless you are buying beer)
At nearly 26 years old, I wouldn’t exactly class myself as old, or “out of touch with the youth” so to speak, but I can’t help but notice that I am getting older and rapidly heading towards my 30’s. Some people would think this is a bad thing, but you know what? I think I really like it.
There have been little tell-tale signs there for a while now - the exceeding disinterest in nightclubs and wine bars, the preference for social drinks with friends in proper pubs, the heightened interest in Formula 1, the increasing motivation to do well in my working life, an interest in houses and decorating etc. The list could go on.
It really did hit home though during a rather mundane event last night - watching X Factor.
For those of you not familiar, there is a 17 (I think) year old girl called Dianna competing in this years’ X Factor - and by all accounts, she is brilliant and should win it. She has a great voice which stands out - unlike the majority of the others, who all sound the same. Anyway, I digress. The point here is fashion - something I am relatively - but decreasingly - concious with. Both weeks during the live show, this girl has come out to warble looking like she’s been dragged through a hedge - twice. I have sat on the sofa shouting at the TV, begging for someone to hand her a hair brush. Clothing wise, last week, I was certain that a homeless person had mistakenly wandered onto the stage looking for more Frosty Jack. This week, I was watching a singing lamp shade.
Is this really what late teen/early twenty-somethings are like now?
I might have even uttered the immortal words “no child of mine would go round looking like that”. This is when you know you are starting to become your dad.
To tell you the truth though, as I mentioned at the outset of this post, If this is getting old then I don’t mind one bit.
You can keep your homeless appearence, you can keep those grubby boy bands that bang furniture together, you can keep those skin tight jeans that make your legs look like golf clubs, you can also keep those crowded sardine tins called nightclubs. I’ll stick to afternoons watching sport on the telly, having dinner then having a sleep. I’ll stick to proper English pubs and grumbling about this, that and the other. I’ll stick to it all and I love it.
Next stop - pipe and slippers
It’s Friday evening, and I really should be dealing with this………..
But instead, I’m going to tap away and cover a few matters that have arisen this week.
First and foremost, I am championing Gaffer tape as the most versatile and greatest invention ever (apart from beer). Everyone knows that the world is held together with the stuff, but today I discovered that it also has medicinal qualities (apologies for the Wikkipedia link, it’s the nearest to hand). Last night I was quite vexed to find a rather nasty looking verruca had sprouted on my right foot. I was even more annoyed to find this morning that it is right on a pressure point too so it really hurts to walk (I was drunk last night so didn’t notice the pain). I am quite sceptical of the gaffer tape remedy, so going to try Bazooka before heading down to Wilkinsons for a roll of the finest.
Up until now, I’ve managed to keep Hadji’s name from these hallowed pages, but he gets some column space for his gem he came out with last night in Whispers…..
“People are going to be pissed off that I havn’t brought my camera out tonight”
For those of you that know the lad, you will understand why this is such gold.
Something else that I have an axe to grind about and needs addressing, is John Terry’s convenient injuries. Funny how they always seem to fall around International Duty time isn’t it?
Not too long ago, bird flu was on its way and we were all going to die in screaming agony before the end of the week. Luckily, it stayed in eastern europe, but next time we will be prepared. Did you know that Jayes Fluid kills bird flu? Don’t believe me? Click here. So next time this dreaded disease is on its way, all we need do is nip down the handyman shop and pick up a few tins of it then head home and douse yourself and all your possessions. You will be safe from bird flu, but you will stink to high heaven of the stuff. The smell of Jeyes Fluid is actually worse than dying in screaming agony. Last week we had a drain odour problem and I (foolishly) tackled it with some Jeyes Fluid. This was last weekend and the smell has only just gone. It is awfully potent stuff.
Anyway, I’m off now. Time for a shower then off to meet the floppy haired vile fan at the train station then on for beers
Over and out
Memo to Sheffield United.
Carlos Tevez is not the reason you were relegated. You were relegated because in 20 of your 38 games that season, you were not good enough.
Then the following season you were not good enough to make it back to the Premier League.
Smells like some really sour grapes and clutching at straws to me……
